Focus

We so often focus on the negative things that we encounter in life: the loss, the pain, the failures. However, we are losing site of the many blessings that surround us. It has become a habit to focus on the negative and that is something that needs to be stopped. But it is a habit that it is VERY difficult to break.

I work on this matter daily. I try to always find a lesson on every difficulty and every experience I have. But I do that because I decided I wanted to work on myself-improvement. Because I got tired of feeling sad and sorry for myself. I have to tell you that it has been the best thing I have done for myself but also a much difficult one.

Sometimes we experience certain things in life that are unbearably painful, and we still need to wake up, get the kids ready, feed them, feed yourself, and carry the pain with you along (with make-up on your face so nobody notices that you are actually falling apart on the inside). I think to myself “I’m such a fraud, because if anyone truly knew how I’m feeling, they will sit next to me and cry along with me” …but thinking like that is not going to make my day any better, neither will it take away my burdens. Thinking like that is not going to get me out of the sadness. The only way to get out of the sadness is to change the focus. Instead, I think: “I’m so brave! Look at how many things I accomplished today even though I feel like shit!”. It is really not about what I’m hiding, it is about the strength I carry myself with in order to function, in order to avoid others to get concern, in order to work and make a living, in order to be able to feed my kids (and myself) and help my youngest with his school assignments or simply listen to my daughter’s issues (even though she thinks I don’t listen!) and offer realistic and optimistic solutions to them (something I should try on doing for myself more often).

Is it easy? NO!!! It is VERY difficult! It is difficult to feel broken and still put on a smile. It is difficult to feel empty and still try to find something new to be grateful for on a daily basis. But I can guarantee one thing… THERE IS ALWAYS SOMETHING TO BE GRATEFUL FOR! Whether it is the morning coffee or the sunlight, or the view from your window, or the paycheck, or a kiss from my son (which is always magical), or an exciting event my daughter wants to share with me that happened on her day (which makes me happy because of her excitement). All of those blessings ARE what I need to focus my mind into.

We constantly let these little great things slide because we are so focused on the ones we miss or don’t have. We fall in the habit of focusing on the negative thoughts that attack our minds. Thoughts that are there to fill us up with worries and destructive feelings of unworthiness. Instead, look for the blessings and lessons that life puts in front of you. If things are not going well at your job, perhaps it is because it is time for you to change your approach, perhaps it is time for a new professional experience, and this is the way life is letting you know that IT IS TIME TO MAKE A CHANGE (because otherwise you will stay stuck where you are). If you are in love with someone and for whatever reason you can’t be with that person, focus on the love that you DO have, from friends, family, and in my case, my children. Perhaps you need more growth and healing (or the other person is the one that does) in order to be able to love each other freely in the future. Perhaps that is not the correct person for you and life is taking him/her away from your life because you deserve better. Perhaps it is not the right time, and it is a matter of being patient. Whatever the reason, just try to focus on becoming a better version of yourself. If you become better, love will find its way to you.

Maybe you are going through a divorce, maybe you’re struggling financially, maybe you are trying to conceive and it hasn’t happened yet, maybe you lost a loved one, maybe you are struggling with a disease. We all experience loss and pain in different ways. Each of us have our own journey and struggles. However, even though we are going through hell, we can still look for something beautiful around us. The best way is to change the focus from the negative and pessimistic point of view, to a more positive and hopeful one. From every experience we are facing that is bringing us down, there is a lesson and a reason behind it.

There are always blessings surrounding us, we just need to focus ourselves on finding those little blessings that can turn a “shitty” day into a better day. Just go day by day. Close your eyes, breathe, and feel the peace… That is the way to reload and re-focus. You can do this! Just breathe and look farther away from the closed door that you keep focusing on looking and therefore missing the amazing view from the window that is next to it.