Have you ever felt like this?
I am seated at the meeting and while I am there my mind is somewhere else. Picture this, I am looking at their faces, their expressions, their lips moving, but I cannot hear a word they say. I feel no connection to them or the subjects they discuss. I feel nothing for what they talk about. Not an inch of enthusiasm. Not a bit of passion. I feel like an intruder in these mandatory meetings, where I actually don’t belong. It's kind of ironic because usually an intruder WANTS to be intruding, but what I really want to do is to run away! Simply get up and walk out.
Then, it is my turn to speak. To talk about what I have been working on. To discuss what I will work on. And in those fractions of seconds I think to myself “What the hell am I supposed to say? There is not much to say, besides the fact that I have been thinking about everything else BUT this meeting”. Even though I have no clue of what I’m going to say, still, I speak out and try to be as brief and as professional as possible, pretending to be busy and enjoying the work I do on a daily basis. So I came up with a quick summary of what I did last week (which was basically nothing) and a quick summary of what I plan to do this week (which is also basically nothing). However, I make it sound like I am super busy. Everyone seems to agree on the perception I have projected (of me being very busy) and the meeting continues.
Everything is so boring! I have no challenge, nothing new to learn, not a single bit of excitement! Nothing! It is like Blah! I feel like I am literally floating (touching the sealing) and that the sealing is not letting me fly higher. I have been feeling like this for years now. Don’t get me wrong, I am grateful for my job. I have a stable job and a decent salary. I have been blessed because the recession never affected me or my family. But what I am complaining about is the lack of growth, the lack of challenge that I have to deal with on a daily basis. It's like my thoughts, my potential, my growth, and my creativity have been locked down in a drawer that nobody wants to open. This has gotten me to the point that I am running out of air inside that drawer! I need to breathe! I really need to start breathing.
(Written on 03/03/2014)