Trust

Would you be able to trust someone who failed you or lied to you? It is very hard to continue to trust someone who’s character failed to prove that they can be trustworthy. Like the quote says: “trust is like a mirror, once it’s broken, even if you fix it, the reflection will never be the same”.

I know I am not a perfect person; I have lied and I have failed others; but for the past years I have focused myself on improving and by saying that, I imply improving in all the areas I have made mistakes. It means analyzing myself, understanding the reasons why I acted a certain way, and therefore learning and growing in order to avoid making the same mistakes again in the future. However, when I have disappointed someone, that person usually does not trust me again, or at least it requires a lot of effort from my end in order to regain that person’s trust. But I do understand the standpoint of whoever I have hurt or failed.

We are all entitled to make mistakes. It is part of life and of being human. However, the actions we take after making a mistake, after failing, disappointing, or after hurting someone, will determine your character and your interest in amending the pain or hurt caused. For example, if you made a mistake at work and your superiors noticed, they will always be on the “lookout” to see if you’ll make the same mistake again. You can only regain their trust after a long time of proving that the mistake has never been repeated. The same happens in relationships. It doesn’t matter which relationship it is, whether it is with a friend, a romantic partner, a family member…if you broke a promise or if you failed in your role inside that relationship, the other person would find it hard to trust you again. The only way to regain people’s trust is by being humble and accepting that you made a mistake; you’ll need to prove yourself again…maybe many times.

Your words always need to align with your actions. You cannot say: “I’m sorry! I never meant to hurt you” and then act again in ways that will hurt the other person repeatedly. You cannot pretend and act like nothing happened when you know you have caused pain and hurt…the other person will never trust you. That “mirror” has been broken!

For instance, how can you trust a partner that cheated on you? To be honest, I really don’t know if I personally could trust a cheater, because as the saying goes “once a cheater, always a cheater”, but I do think there could be exceptions to this particular matter. If the mistake was legitimate and the person realized and truly regrets it, then it is different. I think that this would only apply to an isolated occasion. But if the person is caught cheating with multiple and different people, then that is a problem in the person’s character…I personally don’t think I could trust a cheater with that kind of problem. I could forgive, but never trust…and forgiving is not to accept the wrongdoing.

Professionally speaking, if you are constantly failing in your areas of responsibility at work it creates a precedent that would equal to distrust you as a team member, because it is related to your character as a professional and therefore it won’t be functional to keep a person in a team with a character problem like this. However, if suddenly a person begins to lack and fail in his/her responsibilities it could be due to more deepened issues that perhaps requires your intervention and support. There is always an exception to the rules. Listening and understanding is always important when it comes to trust.

In order to be a person that others can trust you need to show that you truly care for others. You need to connect with other people’s needs and interests. Trust goes hand-in-hand with actions. Make sure that your words and your actions don’t contradict among each other.