Judge

Have you ever been judged, or have you judged others? I think we’ve all been judged, AND we have all judged others at some point in life. But why do we do that? I think it is because of our believes, because of the things we have learned, our experiences, and because of the things we have been taught throughout our lives.

I admit it… I have judged others… but mostly I have judged myself. I have judged others because of my limitations, and I have judged myself because I have felt like a disappointment to others, because I have done things that I feel ashamed of, or because I have hurt others; and because of that I am my worst judge. We all do that. We judge others and we mostly judge ourselves. But how can we stop the judging cycle? I think that the only way to do so is by having an open mind and allowing love to be the guide. I know it sounds cheesy…. But think about it...

When we judge we tend to criticize others (and ourselves) due to the limitations of our knowledge and our understanding. However, everyone’s journey in life is unique. We are all here to learn individual lessons. This is why we can be in the same place and we might describe a completely different experience or scene. This happens because we absorb things based on what we need or even based on our limitations. That’s what judging is all about. We critique others due to our believes, our experiences, our way of thinking…. But all those things are limited. Our experiences and believes are not the only ones that exist. We are not gods that know EVERYTHING. We are here to learn lessons. But how can we learn if we block it? How can we learn by judging others? How can we learn if we think we have all the answers? We block new knowledge and our growth by allowing our limitations to control us.

We all act based on our current needs and our believes. That is completely fine. We just need to respect one another and not hurt each other because of our differences in perspectives or believes. Judgment on its own is already a problematic approach but if we act based on that, we might hurt others along the way, and even ourselves. That’s not the point of life! Why hurt others? Why even hurt ourselves?

We are all going to make mistakes in our lives. We are all going to hurt others. We are all humans and therefore we are in a journey to grow into becoming better versions of ourselves. I believe that judging doesn’t allow us to grow…it only limits our growth and capacity of understanding others. But with love…love can only show us endless experiences of growth and will nurture our souls into becoming better and better.

Let love be your guide. Instead of being a judge, be an observer. Try to understand other’s point of view, even if you don’t agree or believe in the other person’s principals or views; you can still learn from them. Try to understand other people’s pain by listening. Try to understand your own pain and behavior, by observing from afar without judgement. When you put love into action, everything can be transformed into a limitless experience of growth because our understanding expands without limitations of believes or our own experiences.

I leave you with a poem I wrote on March 25th, 2015.

Perseverance

Perseverance is defined by Google as the “persistence in doing something despite difficulty or delay in achieving success”. During the “dark times” in my life, I never thought of myself as being anything good or positive; but I was so far from the truth! While I saw myself struggling and frustrated in life, other people where actually seeing my growth and development. Sometimes when you are too focused on the stressful parts of your daily life, you miss the best part of it all…and that is the way you are blooming and transforming yourself into someone others start to notice and even admire.

Maybe I felt frustrated because instead of realizing my gains and my successes, I was more focused on what I was missing or not acquiring in my life. However, here goes a little bit of the story…

I moved to Miami, Florida (USA) when I was 26 years old with my 5 years old daughter. I had NOTHING in my pocket. Just 8 bags and some boxes with my things, which I sent overseas from Puerto Rico. Meanwhile I stayed at my sister’s house for 2 months. During that time, I was able to get all documents I needed (like my driver’s license and my voting card), I registered my daughter at her school and purchased everything she needed for school (with my credit card), and in less than 2 weeks I had everything set to send her to school. I even got myself a car during that time! Not a bad start. I was lucky to have my sister’s support and I will forever be grateful to her and to my brother-in-law. In 2 months, I had moved to my own apartment and two weeks later I started working as a Temp at the company I still work for. I started as a Temp in October and was hired in January. Another accomplishment in such a short period of time.

Luckily, the Company offered tuition reimbursement and I decided to go back to school to finish my bachelor’s degree, for which I had already completed 85 credits in Puerto Rico, but it turned out that too many years had passed in between that the University only accepted 12 credits of those 85 credits and therefore, I had to start from scratch! Frustration! Simultaneously, my daughter was diagnosed with ADHD and had to make the difficult decision of medicating her. Many people don’t agree with these type of medications, however mental health is a very important part of our health and if we get to drink a medication for our headaches, or for heart diseases, or for diabetes, or for high blood pressure, why is it seen bad to drink medication for our mental health? It is as important as any other health matter that we encounter; and she started the medication, which in fact helped her a lot in school.

So, there I was, single mother with a 5 year old (with ADHD), working Full-Time and also studying as a Full-Time student. It was HARD! I was exhausted! My routine was tough, waking up at 5:30AM every day, running to get to school, then to work, then to university, then back home (to cook and do homework with my daughter, which was extremely challenging due to her ADHD) and finishing my days at 12:00AM (because after finishing with my daughter and the house shores, I had to study). I can only say that it was overwhelming! But guess what? I did it! Day by day. Little by little. I was persistent. I didn’t give up, even when I really wanted to! But I persevered!

Taking care of a girl with ADHD is not easy! It is VERY challenging. The focus spam was so short! Picture this, with all those things I had on my plate, dealing with her was frustrating! I was exhausted already from my very busy schedule. But I had to help her as well with her homework. I would sit down with her and explain a math assignment (among other things). Then I would leave her on her own to finish the assignment. Mind you, she was sitting at the kitchen table…not far away from me. Meanwhile I cooked and constantly ask her out loud: “in which problem are you?” and she would respond: “I’m almost done!” So, when I would check on her progress (15 or 30 minutes later), she was still on the first problem! Oh My God!!!! Like WHAAAAT?! And this happened constantly!

My point with my story here is to let you know that even though life will be tough, frustrating, difficult, and might seem that everything you do is useless; trust me, it is NOT useless! My daughter is now 21 years old, and she never failed a school grade, never took summer school, she was accepted in College without a problem, and completed her AA in Business. She also has a certification in CPR and knows the basics of Sight Language. Not giving up on her and being persistent paid off. It took time. It took tears. It took many fights. But she is now a person I admire because even though she had many obstacles (and other issues I’m not even mentioning here) she also never kept on trying. She continues to work hard on everything she sets her mind on. She’s VERY clear in life! I trust that she will persevere in anything she wants.

As far as my part of the story, well…I finished my degree in 4 years. I took at least 9 credits every semester (Fall and Spring) and I had to take Summer Terms (12 credits every summer) in order for me to finish within the 4 years goal I set for myself. It was an accomplishment! I completed my bachelor’s with a 3.4 GPA, not bad taking into consideration all the struggles I was dealing with, and that English was my second language. Perseverance turned out to be an important quality of mine… Every time I doubt myself and my capacity, I re-tell this story to myself.

Now I tell you, my dear reader. I am not better than anyone. I am sure you have overcome many obstacles in your life, and you should also re-tell yourself those stories when your persistence took you into the road of success. You can also do ANYTHING you set your mind into. Sometimes it WILL be VERY hard. Sometimes people around you won’t support you. (Many people told me that I was crazy for leaving Puerto Rico with my daughter and without having a job in Miami). I think it was the best decision I made. Sometimes you will feel frustrated and discouraged; I felt like that many times. But if you can visualize a goal, then it means that you have the capacity to achieve it. You just need to be persistent!

Patience

This one is definitely NOT one of my virtues! It is one of the things I work most on understanding and on accepting. However, it is a virtue that can help me and you in life during difficult times.

Being patience implies letting things go and flow their own pace. It requires to be tolerant in situations that are stressing. It implies that we need to have the capacity to wait and stay calm.

I am a person that likes to plan and organize every aspect of my life, so being patience is not something I am good at. I hate waiting for someone else’s response to a matter I consider to be important. I hate to wait on situations to get resolved. I hate to wait on people to react and take actions in their own life! Sometimes I can’t control my reactions in stressful situations, and I burst out expressing my discomfort. However, I have learned that being patient is a necessary virtue because good things require time and great relationships are built with time and patience, with understanding. Think about it, everything of value in life takes time. For instance, it takes 9 months to give birth. It takes about a year to be able to walk. It takes two to four years to be able to talk. Going through school and learning the basics takes 13 years of our childhood. The Undergraduate Degree takes at least four years to acquire and so forth. Doctors had to have patience and resilience in order to become the professionals they are today. Good things take time and that requires patience.

I believe that life usually gives us multiple experiences in our areas of weakness in order for us to grow and improve in those areas. I have come to terms with this word. I have decided that instead of focusing on the desperation that is behind being patience, I will instead think of the value of the situation and the lessons that present during the journey. As a mother I cannot pretend to have a successful adult in two years… I need to be patient and teach my children what they need in order to learn and grow every step of their way and through every stage of their lives. I cannot expect them to know everything and do things perfectly on their first attempt. That is not how life works and that is not a realistic expectation. When I accept that valuable things take time to acquire, it changes my approach and my reactions… I become more patient and therefore enjoy the process.

It is difficult for me to understand someone else’s patience in certain situations because I immediately think things should be done a specific way or the person should act a specific way… but I cannot control other people’s reactions or process. If I really care for someone, I need to respect their process and accept how they handle things. Giving advise is a good thing but getting upset because the person doesn’t follow through with the advice is another.

Time takes care of everything. Growth requires time. Healing requires time. Forgiveness requires time. Learning requires time. Time equals patience. Without patience we will be rushing ourselves into life and into experiences without really learning and absorbing what is necessary for us to grow as individuals. Therefore, even when it is difficult try your best to be patience. Maybe life is asking you to slow down to learn something or see something you are missing because you are in such a hurry.