Loss

There are situations in life in which we need time for us to process, accept, and move on. Everyone has their way of overcoming loss and not everyone heals similarly; some people heal faster than others. Whichever your case might be, it is OK. Accept your process. Whether it is that you need to overcome the loss of a loved, a heartbreak or the loss of a job…you need time to heal and to accept the situation. Take your time.

When it comes the the loss of someone because of them passing, the process for everyone is different, although we all go through the same steps. Some will progress slower than others and therefore require more time to heal and overcome the loss. Some will avoid completing the grieving process because in their minds it’ll mean forgetting that loved one. Even though, you never forget a person you loved, not even after death. A loved one will never be forgotten and will forever live in our hearts and memories. But it is important to respect your own time and accept the process, and if you want to be a supporter to someone who have lost a loved one, be patient and understanding.

In the personal aspect, when you go through a heartbreak; some people tend to jump into another relationship in order to “move on”. It is a way to “proof” that you are “OK” and you no longer care for the person that broke your heart. I personally used to take that approach and I came to realize that I was just accumulating pain and pretended to be happy. It was my “defense mechanism”. It is important to heal from a heartbreak before starting a new relationship because you’ll either go breaking other people’s hearts or continue to break your own. In some other situations, we tend to stay longer than we should in a dysfunctional relationship just because we are not ready to let go. If that is your case, it is OK. Take the time you need because you learn and accept the process at your own pace, not mine, not your mother’s or your friend’s…at your own. The important thing is that you understand that if the relationship is dysfunctional it will eventually need to end. When you no longer care for the continuous disappointments or when you’re finally fed up with the mistreatment, you’ll reach a point of realization and empowerment, and that’s your point of NO RETURN! That's when you'll be able to move on.

Professionally speaking it is also seen that people get attached to their jobs and if they are let go, it affects them greatly. It is also a grieving process. You need to respect your own process. However, in this case I think that you should work faster on your recovery. Unfortunately in this particular situation the saying: ”time is money” literally applies. I don’t say you jump into any job, but you shouldn’t dwell on the loss for long. You should be proactive into looking for another job that fits your professional outlook and needs.

The grieving time for everyone is different. I will never forget what one of my therapists told me when I said: "I know I need to let go, but I don't know how to!" She said: "It is OK. It is just that you are not ready to let go yet...but you will!" and indeed, I did! Respect your time and process, but don’t forget that moving on is not forgetting neither it is that you stopped loving or caring. It means that life continues and it is best to move on and continue living. Heartbreaks take time to overcome, don’t act on situations prior to being ready to do so. If you do so, you might regret it or you might stay with the doubts of the “what if’s”. Respect your time. Now, once you are ready, you won’t have any doubts about it. Lastly, the professional loss can be considered another type of heartbreak, but for this one it is best not to dwell in the loss for too long, but instead take action into taking your next step onto the professional ladder. I am a true believer that everything happens for a reason, we just need to trust that things happen for our best and for us to grow stronger into the person we are meant to be in order to arrive to the destination we are meant to be.

Not Easy

In life we are presented with many difficulties. Situations in which we have mixed feelings, and we doubt how we should act or what decision we should make. Situations in which you know you deserve better but still insist on idolizing the idea of what you thought it was going to turned out to be. Whether it is leaving a job or stop talking to a toxic person for which you care about or leaving a relationship that is harming you more than making you happy. No BIG decision is easy to make, but it is very necessary to act on it.

You know that the toughest things in life are the ones we get to appreciate the most in the long run. The same will happen when it is time to make that BIG decision for your well-being. The most important person in this world should be yourself. You have to love yourself FIRST, then you can think of loving others. Even Jesus said it: “Love your neighbor as you would love yourself”. Perhaps that is what is really behind the fact that many people are getting hurt by others; because those who hurt others are hurting from within.

Professionally speaking we encounter this situation as well. I have heard many of my friends argue that they are not being appreciated at their jobs. They give their best, but their best is not ”enough” or can be seeing as a threat to their boss, and therefore instead of being appreciated, they get continuously discouraged. The fact that a boss is constantly discouraging its employees shows lack of leadership on the boss’ end, but it goes deeper than that, it also shows lack of security on themselves. Even when you love your job, if appreciation is not given to you, it is best to leave.

When it comes to parenting, sometimes it is necessary to discipline our children for them to understand the value of the things they have. Sometimes they need “tough love” in order to appreciate and learn to respect. There is no need for aggression when it comes to discipline, what needs to be done is to take away benefits. Establish routines. Recognize the good behavior as well as the bad behavior. Taking disciplinary actions earlier in the child’s life will pay off in the long run. At the end of the day, our job as parents is not to be perfect or to raise perfect beings, but instead to raise humans that will serve good to society.

In our love life we also tend to accept many things we shouldn’t. This is because we idolize the idea of what could’ve been. However, if you feel you are the only one trying to keep the boat afloat, it is not worth to continue trying. It is not an easy decision, but it is very much necessary. You can love a person but still, you can live without him/her. Love is not supposed to hurt or to disrespect you. If that is your case, it is time to walk away.

Friends and family can also be difficult to deal with. I am sure we all have that one family member (or maybe various) who is difficult to deal with. That one who is constantly making fun of you or saying harmful things to lower your self-esteem. That one that makes a big deal out of the tiniest thing! Oh boy! You know who that person is. With family it is not always easy, but this is when you get to establish boundaries. You decide when it is enough and when it is time to walk away. In the case of a friend, the same rule applies.

There are so many situations I can continue to list as BIG decisions. Like Like, what to study when going to college, or if you should enroll in Graduate School, or if you should buy a house, or sell your house. If you should start a diet and an exercise routine. If you should start your own business or if you should search for a new job. All BIG decisions are usually difficult to make, and those decisions should also require time to evaluate prior to making them. But once you make a decision, stick with it!

Finding Purpose

We are taught that we need to follow society’s standards in order to fit in and be accepted. However, sometimes what some consider to be the best standards are not always the best fit for others. There is not a “One Fit All’ when it comes to the things an individual is meant to do or likes to do or wants to explore in its life. Not everyone is meant to get married. Not everyone is meant to become a graduate student. Not everyone is meant to have children. The list is endless. But not because a person decides not to follow the standards of society means that he/she is a bad individual. The beauty of each of us resides in our individuality and that is what makes us unique and special.

We need to start thinking outside of the box. Breaking the social standards. We need to find purpose in our lives and not just follow what society has imposed on us to do for years. I believe we all have a purpose in our lives, and we need to find it! My purpose and your purpose can be completely different and that’s what makes us humans so amazing!

The journey into finding purpose could be quick for some and difficult for others. This is because some might be great at a particular thing and some might be great at various things. For example, I’ve always been good at writing, at math, at organization, and I am also very creative. It has been difficult for me to choose one. I always dreamed of becoming a singer, but life drove me away from that dream. I accepted it and also moved on and away from it. I came to realize that my purpose behind becoming a singer was the wrong one; I envisioned fame and lots of money. However, I am simple person; I really don’t want fame or to have the paparazzi chasing me every step of the way. I even felt stage fright every time I performed in public! As a result, I couldn’t perform at my best. So, I realized that singing was something I loved to do, but in a smaller setting. No need to put on a show. However, not continuing to follow my dream left me empty. Without direction. I just lived life as society expected me to do. You know the drill… Get a degree, get married, have children, work (even if your job has no meaning), pay the bills, cook, clean the house, and do it all over again…. EVERY DAY! I am sorry…but I didn’t come here to live a life that is so robotic. I don’t like to live in autopilot. Maybe it works for you, but I am getting tired of feeling trapped in that routine.

Becoming a mother gave me a sense of responsibility and purpose. Getting my Degree in Business Management seemed like the best move. I love my kids. I am grateful for my job. I like what I do at my job, however, I don’t feel like I am helping anyone; or adding value to society. I do feel like I have done a pretty good job as a mom with my kids (so far), but they will grow, and they will leave. What am I going to do when they leave? If my purpose is to solely dedicate my life and myself to them, I will have a hard time when that time comes. I came to the realization that I can have more than one purpose in my life! Because our purpose can shift and even change as time passes by. Part of my purpose is to raise my children and help them become independent, loving, and successful human beings. Aside of that purpose I also want to develop the areas in which I am good at! Explore. Experience. Learn. Grow. That is basically the process to follow in order to find that purpose in life. If you want to live a life that is meaningful to you, you need to do the things that you love and that makes you happy. It is not about society or the responsibilities we have. It is a personal thing.

I have seen my friends struggle with their jobs. With their work environment. With their coworkers. People seem to be stressed out all the time. Frustrated. Tired. Drained. Even depressed. I bet you that all of this has to do with the fact that there is no enthusiasm in their lives. They feel empty, unhappy, and frustrated. Because society teaches us to live in autopilot. Most of us are feeling this way. Most of us live in autopilot. But how do we stop feeling that way? Because we cannot leave our children or our jobs! We cannot just walk away from our responsibilities! However, we can continue doing everything we HAVE to do, but also find those things we LOVE to do. The answer is to find purpose for yourself. Not for anyone else! For you!

Being able to accomplish that requires time and self-evaluation. You need to get to know yourself really well. Learn and grow from your life experiences. Work on your self-improvement in every area, and then…you will be able to determine what your purpose is. It could take a long time, or it can come to you immediately. The important thing is that you make this your priority and work towards finding meaning in the things you do daily. Once you can determine the things that you love doing, you will find meaning…but you need to start doing them! Even if it is for free in the beginning, but if you feel like you are adding value and meaning to your life and/or the lives of others; then it is the best payment you can acquire!

I felt empty for so long, with my dreams destroyed. Felt like a failure because I felt stuck. But now I have meaning in my life, FOR ME. Being able to write and express myself and touch other people’s lives and perhaps help 1 person into becoming a better version of him/herself, is the best payment I can get. It is priceless! I was able to find purpose in my life, ever since I started writing Quotes in Empowered-Selflove. It has been a journey and there is still a long way to go, but I have grown during this process, and I have become better than who I was 2 years ago. At the end of the day, it is my journey, my purpose, and my personal growth. Your journey, your growth, and your purpose are also for YOU to enjoy. But once you start finding that purpose, life starts to look differently, and you become more appreciative of the daily routines and all the blessings you are surrounded with. Finding your purpose is to find that thing that gives meaning and fills your life with enthusiasm. Like Ken Robinson said in his book Finding Your Element: “Finding your Element is fundamentally about enhancing the balance of your life as a whole”.